


Past, Present, Future

by Crystalliced



Series: Take Flight [2]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Return, Romance, Spoilers for Crystallize!, The Best Way To Say I Love You Is To Let You Go, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 02:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2133582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystalliced/pseuds/Crystalliced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Ending to "Crystallize", C16.  Continues the story plot from that chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Past, Present, Future

Past, Present, Future

Everything you should’ve done and everything you didn’t do.  Alternate continuation of Crystallize, C16.

     “Hey, Lindsey.”  I say after a few seconds of awkward silence, walking out of the doorway closer to her.  She doesn’t acknowledge me until I come up besides her, and even then only with the slightest tensing of her shoulders. **  
**

_Three years.  It’s been three years since we’ve last seen each other.   How could things have changed so drastically?_ **  
**

     “Lindsey...” **  
**

_“Are you coming?”  Nick asks, and I glance at him.  “Should I?”  I retort, giving him a glare.  “Why should I?”_

_“Because it’s her.”  He says, stressing the word out.  “How can you possibly miss this event?  Did the time you spend-”_

_“It wasn’t meaningless.”  I say, cutting him off fiercely, “But I know she doesn’t want to see me again.”  Nick sighs._

_“Regardless, you should at least show up and congratulate her.  And besides, she wants to see you.  Her inviting you to the party proves that.”_

_I shoot the brown-haired man a meaningful look.  “Anyone could’ve sent the invite.  And even if it was her, she likely just felt forced to.”  Nick frowns.  “I thought you knew Lindsey.  She still cares about you.”_

****

    “You can’t ignore me forever, Lindsey.”  I say, looking off the balcony to where waves lap at the sand, pulling it away slowly but surely.  

    “Who sent you up here?”  She whispers bitterly, glancing at me once out of the corner of her eye before looking back towards the ocean.  “What gives you that idea?”  I say, staring openly at her.  If she notices, she doesn’t give a sign.  

 ****

_“Tyler.”  I ignore him.  “I’ll go to the stupid party.  But don’t expect me to stay.”  I turn away, and he doesn’t follow me.  I need some time to think, to get away from the whirlwind of information that is currently overloading my brain._

_Lindsey’s healed.  The bullet that tore through her shoulder didn’t end her career.  The bullet that spiraled through her chest and ricocheted off a rib didn’t kill her.  She’s fine.  She’s alright.  She can still play the violin._

_But she should have never been hurt in the first place.  The fact that I was there when she was shot is unacceptable._

_The fact that I’m the reason why she was shot is even worse._

****

    “Why do you care?” she whispers, “You didn’t care back then.”

    That hurts.  That hurts a lot.

     “Is that...”  I hesitate, “-really what you believe?”

 ****

_And she misses me.  According to Nick.  I trust him, though, but...still.  That..._

_I can’t accept that._

_I’m really going to regret going, aren’t I? **  
**_

    “There’s no other answer.”  Lindsey says, and I wince.  “Lindsey, I...”

    How do I put into words what I feel?  How can I possibly express what I want to tell her?  How do you tell someone that you’ve avoided for three years that you love her?  How?

    And...will she even care?

    “You can go.” she says, turning around to face me for the first time this night.  “I don’t need your pity.”  

    The hardness in her eyes...it’s so out of place.  And I know, I really know, that the walls inside of her against me are too strong for me to even touch.  

    “And I’m not giving you any.”  I retort, refusing to break eye contact.  She looks startled at the words (the most emotion she’s shown around me in three years!) but quickly drops back into her facade.

    “Then why are you here?” **  
**

_“Why am I here?”  I think, standing outside.  Streamers are attached to the walls, party balloons hung up and Christmas lights twinkling on the roof._

_I step in, and immediately Megan jumps on me, reopening a conversation we had started in one of our daily text debates.  I’m not as into it as I would normally be, though, as I’m searching for the person I really came here for.  Not able to find her, though, I dejectedly give up.  Megan catches on to this and whispers to me, “She’s upstairs getting ready.  She’ll be down in a sec.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_Nothing’s changed, and yet, everything has._

_****_

    “To talk to you.”  I say, dropping my gaze in favor of staring back towards the ocean.

    “Yeah, you’ve done a good job of that so far...”  Lindsey says, and I have to bite back a retort.  “Why didn’t you start three years earlier?  Or any time after that?  Why now?”  she whispers, voice shaking, and I know without looking that she’s crying.

    I turn to her and reach out to her.  She freezes as I wipe the tear off of her face.  “You’ll ruin your makeup...”  I say, staring at her, waiting for a reaction.  “I’m sorry...”

    She doesn’t say anything, waiting for me to continue.  “I’m sorry that I...”  I can’t tell her that.  “I’m sorry that I almost got you killed.  I’m sorry that, because of me, you had to spend months in physical therapy.  I’m sorry that I almost ended your career.  I’m sorry that...”  My voice cracks for just a second.  “I’m sorry that I met you, all the way back then.”  I turn away, not able to look at her after that.  

    A long silence.

    “Are you...?”  Lindsey asks, and I know exactly what she’s talking about.

    “If I could redo the whole thing, back from January...I would.  If I could decide that we never met, then yeah.  If it meant that you didn’t have to go through everything I put you through...Then yes.  I’m sorry we met.”  I say, truthfully.  Because I destroy everything I touch. **  
**

_“Lindsey!”  Nick says, grinning, “About time you got down here!”  I glance at her for just a second.  She’s wearing her blue Link outfit, complete with elf ears.  “Just like her.”  I think, but I immediately revise that statement when our eyes catch and she looks away without a second thought._

_Megan flounces over to Lindsey, and the two immediately break into a discussion about...something.  I don’t know.  Nick makes his way over to me._

_“Dude, are you seriously going to sit here the entire time?  Go, talk to her!”  He nudges my shoulder, but I frown.  “Actually, I was thinking about leaving...”_

_“Oh, hell no.  You’re not going anywhere.  I will physically restrain you-”  I raise an eyebrow and interrupt, “Nick, we both know that you can’t beat me in a fair fight.”  He’s taller, but I’m stronger._

_He makes a face.  “Whatever, dude.  Just go.  I thought you guys knew each other?”_

_I thought so too._ **  
**

    “Then that brings me to my previous question...Why are you here, Tyler?”  I can feel her piercing gaze on me.  “Why did you come in the first place?”  I hesitate.

    “Nick told me to.”  She shakes her head.  “You didn’t come because of him.”  What do I tell her?  

    “Then what do I tell you?  What answer could I give that could possibly satisfy you, Lindsey?”  She doesn’t answer.  “See, it’s not that easy, is it?”

    “What are you hiding?”  She asks, and I flinch.  "Huh?"

    "You know what I'm talking about."  She says bitterly, "Even after all this time, I can read you like an open book."   **  
**

I don't make any move to talk to her, and she doesn't bother to even look at me.  That's fine.  I got what I came for.  I just wanted to see her one more time, before I leave... **  
**

"I'm moving."  I blurt, and this is apparently a huge shock to her, as her eyes widen.  "T-To where?"  She asks, stunned, and I shake my head.  "To Japan."

* * *

 

 

    When he tells me he's moving, across the world, at that, I don't know what to think.  I had always entertained the hope that no matter what, he'd still be here.  That no matter how bad our relationship was, he'd always be reachable.  And now...he's moving.  Away.  To somewhere I'll never be able to reach him.  

 

    "He's not coming, is he?"  I ask Jordan.  The party is well under way, and almost everyone I decided to invite (not many) came.

    Except him.

    "Give Tyler some time, girl."  Jordan says, giving me a look-over.  "Interesting choice.  But fitting."  Jordan waves vaguely at my outfit, which I chose on a whim.  Or maybe it was an excuse to wear my little ears again.  Probably the latter.

 

    "No way..."  I whisper hollowly, an aching pain in my chest.  He doesn't turn to look at me.

    When he finally came up to talk to me, I put up a facade.  A wall.  Because I didn't know what he wanted.  Why he was here.  

    I didn't want to let him back in my poor, broken heart again, so I shut him out.

    And it appears it worked...too well.

 

    When I come down the stairs, my eyes quickly scan over the crowd and I quickly make him out.

    He looks just the same as he did three years ago...

     "Lindsey!"  Someone shouts out my name, and I snap my eyes away from Tyler, forcing a smile on my face.

     One encounter successfully avoided.  Just a few hundred more to go.

 

    "...Why?"  I finally manage to gasp out, feeling the all-too-familiar sensation of barely suppressed tears threatening to spill.

    "I don't have the financial support to live here any longer.  I am unable to find a job to solve that."  I open my mouth, knowing I can solve both those problems, but he interrupts me with, "I don't want your pity."  It stings, hearing my own words turned against me.

    

    The closest we come to talking is when I excuse myself to use the bathroom just as he exits it.  For a moment, our eyes lock the moment passes and he brushes past me without a word.

 

    "My older friends have left, either to go to college or to move elsewhere."  Tyler continues.  "And I really enjoy spending time with the crew, but..."  It's not the same.

     "So yeah...That's all there is to it.  I just...came to see you one last time.  So this is goodbye, Lindsey.”  And that’s when it really clicks.  He’s really doing it.

    He’s really going.  Actually leaving.  

    Never, not once, since meeting him on the sidewalk that January day, never have I ever imagined him leaving.  And now...

    My legs fold under me as I slowly collapse to the ground, landing on my hands and knees as my mind catches up with the words he said.  No.  NO.

    I’m hyperventilating.  Calm down.  Calm-  NO!  SHUT UP!  SHUT-

    Arms around me.  Someone’s whispering something.  Just-

    I can’t.  I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t

   Everything goes dark.

 

* * *

 

 

    I begin to panic as I watch the petite girl drop to the ground with almost no warning whatsoever, and even more alarmed when I hear her short, quick, choked off breaths.  

    “Lindsey!?”  I crouch down as she falls, but she manages to break her fall with her hands.

    “Lindsey, look at me.”  She lifts her head up, and I can see the hysteria in her eyes as tears slip down her face.  “Lindsey!”  She’s unresponsive, clearly conscious but not paying any attention whatsoever.  “Calm down.”  I say, grabbing her and pulling her towards me so that I am able to hug her tightly, trying to stop her anxiety, but she continues to mutter something under her breath.  I lean down towards her just long enough to make out the words “No, no, no!” before her hand flies out of my grasp and hits me solidly in the back of my head.  I quickly grab her wrist with my hand before her panic escalates even further before she stops moving, quite suddenly, in my arms.

    For a moment I’m very afraid of the possibility that her heart stopped or something along those lines, but when I rest two fingers on her neck and feel her breath on my neck, I realize that she has simply passed out, probably from the stress being put on her.

    At a loss, I pick her up carefully and take her back inside, navigating my way to the bedroom.

    This is awkward.

 

* * *

 

    

    Lindsey’s been out cold for about three minutes now, long enough to make me worry.  I don’t know the first thing about fainting, though, so I’m not sure if it’s too long or too little.  At the same time, though, I’m hesitant to alert anyone to her condition, as it would likely end the party.  

     Heading back down the stairs, I almost run into Jordan.

     “Where’s Lindsey?”  the black-haired girl asks me, and I shake my head.  “Sleeping.”  

     “It’s her party!  That girl has nerve...”  Jordan says, sighing, as I hold back a chuckle.  “Well, everyone else has pretty much left, so I guess she’ll have to deal with it when she wakes up.”  She heads back down the stairs.  “See you, Tyler.”

     “See you.”  I say, hesitating for a moment before walking back up.  I guess it’s up to me to figure this out.  

     Back on the second floor, I can see Lindsey barely awake, sitting up carefully on the bed before her eyes land on me.  

    “Tyler...”  Lindsey says, watching me warily as I walk over to sit on the sheets next to her.

    “It’s okay...”  I whisper, instinctively finding her hand to thread my fingers through hers.  She stares at me, equal parts confused and wistful.  

    “It’s not okay.”  She tells me, and that’s all there is.  It’s not okay.

    In another world...In another world, I think we would have a real shot.  But not here.  Not like this.  Not now.

    “I love you.”  Lindsey directs her gaze at the wall.  “I know it doesn’t mean anything now, but...I just wanted to tell you before you go.”  

    No.  No.

    “You don’t honestly mean that.”  I say, disbelievingly, unwilling to accept the words she throws at me.  

    “Why...why would I lie about that?”  Lindsey asks, trying to meet my eyes.  I turn away, forgetting I’m still holding tightly to her hand.  “Tyler...”  She swallows.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have said that.”  Her hand slips out of mine.

     Lindsey, Lindsey, what am I going to do with you?

    I need to go.  Now, before it’s too late.  Too-

    The coughing starts.

 

* * *

 

 

    I’m still absorbed in a mixture of guilt and self-pity when Tyler first starts coughing.  I wouldn’t have minded if it wasn’t for how loud the cough sounded.  It wasn’t normal, for sure.  And when it got worse...That’s when I know something’s really wrong.  

    “Tyler?  Tyler?!”  He’s unable to answer, doubled over as I scoot my way over to him, watching his fit slowly subside until he’s able to breathe again.  “Tyler...”  I place my hand on his shoulder but he pushes it off.

    “Not now, Lindsey.”

    “Then when!?  When?  When will you decide to talk to me again?  I just...”  I stare at him, eyes downcast.  “I just want you to acknowledge me again...”  He looks at me with a cross between sadness and resolve.  

    “I...”  I fidget nervously, unsure of what he wants to say.  “I just can’t.”  He says, with an air of finality around it, and it just crushes my heart.

    “Okay...”  I whisper quietly, then, “I’m sorry.”  I shut my eyes, trying to hold back the sobs but failing.  Damnit, Lindsey, why do you have to be so weak?  Why now?  

    “You’re right, I’m sorry, this was all just a stupid mistake anyways, I should’ve known that I wasn’t good enough for-”  He slaps me.

    Not hard at all.  Just a light hit, but it is enough to completely derail my train of thought as I stare at him incredulously.  “Don’t say that.”  Tyler snaps at me, looking pissed.  “Don’t you ever think that any of this was your fault.  Ever!”  I don’t know how to respond to that.

    “It’s not you, Lindsey.”  He mutters, and turns around.  “It’s not you...”  He lies down on the bed, face down and back turned towards me.

    What do I say?  I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that.  Does he even want to talk to me?  Does he care about me?

    I just want to know...  I just want to know straight up.  Why he’s been avoiding me.  Why he left.  Why he refuses to talk to me now.  It kills me not to be able to talk to him like I used to be able to, so easily.  Tyler showed me so much about living, taught me lessons I will never be able to forget.  Even now, so long ago, I can remember with detail the time he took me onto the mountaintop and showed me how to really fly paper airplanes.  I can recall when he and the rest of the crew baked a cake for me from scratch.  And how could I forget our first kiss, the first time we held hands...all those memories?  I know that we can’t ever go back to what we used to be.  But...I want to try, anyways.  Some hopelessly naive part of me clings onto the hope that maybe he still likes me, maybe he still cares about me.  Maybe I’m just in denial.  

     Why can’t I let go?

     But I know the answer to that.  Tyler has affected me too much, been a reliable constant in my life for too long.  I’ve put so much faith and trust and hope and love with him.  I can’t let that disappear in a second.

     But does it really not matter to him?  Everything we used to be?  It matters so much to me.  It’s been a part of my life for so long now, and I would do anything, anything to get it back.  

     “Tyler...”  I start.  “Do you still remember...?”  I hum the chorus of ‘Serenity’, disheartened by his silence.  “Tyler...”

    

* * *

 

 

    I was too late.

    Turned away from Lindsey, I can feel what she can’t see; a thin line of blood trickling down my chin.  I almost lose what little dinner I ate as a wave of intense nausea assaults my senses, sending the world in color.  “Tyler...” her voice.  I anchor my reality on it, and the strategy seems to help.  I can focus just a little bit better.  Not much, but it's something.

    Oh god, how am I going to be able to hide this?

    "Tyler?  Are you okay?"  No, definitely not.  I use the hem of my shirt to wipe off my chin.   “Yeah.”  I manage, voice shaking slightly, “I’m fine.”  I'm not.

    My world explodes in pain again, white spots dancing before my eyes.  I can hear her trying to say something, but this time I can’t hold on any longer.

     Everything goes black.

 

* * *

 

 

    From then on I’m only able to remember bits and flashes of my life.

 

_“Tyler...”  Lindsey starts as I open my eyes to greet the cold white of the hospital room._

_I stare at her._

_“You...you...”  Tears slide down her face, “How could you!?”  I guess she just found out._

_“I’m sorry.” The doctor tells me, Lindsey holding my hand.  I thinre scared than I am._

_“I know.”  I say, staring at the scan, “Inoperable.”  The doctor nods._

_“What...what makes it inoperable?”  Lindsey asks, an odd determination in her eyes._

_“Try, Tyler.”  She urges, “Don’t just-”_

_“Lindsey, I know that as a former patient, you know a little about what you’re talking about.”  I fight off another burst of nausea.  “But I’d rather live a short life with less symptoms...versus rotting away in this hospital.”_

_A printout on chemotherapy is left behind on my bed when I get back home.  I stare at it, sighing._

_"For you, then."  I think, picking up the sheets and skimming.  "For you."_

_“Thank you...”  Lindsey says, staring away from me.  “I know I don’t have the right to ask this of you, but...thank you.”_

_She stares at me with shining eyes.  "Thank you..."_

_The chemo is working.  Expensive, painful, and debiliating, but it's working.  The tumor is shrinking._

_My doctor casually mentions that if this progress continues, they may be able to take the tumor out._

_I'm scared.  Getting the operation puts me at the full mercy of the surgeons.  I..._

_I don't think I can do this._

_Lindsey sits down next to me on the bed, where I'm staring at a picture of the two of us at Serenity Hill._

_And we sit quietly together._

_Lindsey has taken to telling me what I have missed while we were seperated.  For the most part, I listen carefully, happy to have conversations like we used to.  Sometimes, though, I can't help but stare at her, trying to commit Lindsey to memory._

_Chemo.  Infuriating, painful, expensive, wonderful chemo has finally stopped working.  But it has done its job.  The tumor has shrunk to an operable size._

_Lindsey, as usual, is sitting next to me in comfortable silence.  It's become routine; every day she comes early in the morning and walks into my room.  We hug, then she flops down on the bed with me.  At first, the nurse argued against it, but when she realized that Lindsey was the reason I was even trying to live she let it go._

_Sometimes we talk.  Sometimes we just rest there, holding hands the whole time._

_Silence, I've learned, can be more powerful than any words._

_"Are you ready?"  She asks me, squeezing my hand reassuringly.  "Yeah."  I reply, voice shaking._

_"Don't forget to come back."  Lindsey whispers, pecking me on the forehead._

_As I'm wheeled away, I wave a tentative "Goodbye." to her, but she makes a face and refuses to wave back._

_"Count down from 10, please."  An unsmiling man looms over me, and I do what he says._

_My eyes close._

_The last thing I see is Lindsey reaching out a hand in the darkness, a hopeful smile on her face._

    

* * *

 

 

     The first person I see when I wake up is Lindsey.  I open my mouth to try and say something but I find that I'm not up to saying anything yet.

    "Tyler...?  Tyler!"  Her face lights up.  "Welcome home." she whispers, drawing me into her arms as best she can.

     I'm back again, Lindsey.

  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Lindsey Stirling (c) Lindsey Stirling


End file.
